I could write all day about you...
The way your hair is perfect no matter what it looks like.
The sound of your laugh and how it makes me glow so much I feel like a star.
I could tell you all this yet would you think I am just being a hopeless romantic?
Love...I wait for the day when you say those precious words back to me.
Having you in my life is sweet enough.
Knowing you want to see me a lot makes me fall in love with you all the more.
I count  the hours, minutes and seconds until you are back in my arms.
For the first time I feel like I really have you and that this is more than sex.
There are so many places in the world I want to go
but having you in my bed tonight is the best place in all the world...

Current Location: Work.
Current Mood: surprised

God. I love her SO much. It feels me with so much joy knowing I have her in my life. I want to pinch myself everytime I think about her. Can love really be this sweet? Why am I so lucky? I know she has hurt me, but it was worth all of it. I am so happy right now I want to dance, sing and shout from the roof tops "Amy is in loooove!" You know when you're young and you get so lonely you never think you'll fall in love or find anyone special? Well that was me, for years I never thought I'd find someone so special as this girl and now I have I hope it lasts...
My advice for all you young lonely hearts? Fret yee not! You shall find love. Because no matter what we all deserve love. Whatever shape or form it comes in!


Peace out brothers and sisters!!

xx

Current Location: Work
Current Mood: bouncy

Long day
full of heartache
sleep come soon.

Tags: writer's block

I wish I didn’t worry so much, or think so much for that matter. Sometimes I wish I were a robot so then I would never feel pain, yet at the same time I would never feel the happiness of waking up to someone you love.
I can’t eat properly, I feel sick as though at any given moment I may throw up and find my heart staring back at me.
I wish I could find my purpose for living. I wish I could find something to do other than staying in this fucking house that feels more and more like the inside of my mind. I fear that I really will never find a job that truly makes me happy.
I often question myself… Am I really in love? If it hurts this much then surely it must be? I wish she were here now, seeing her smile would just lighten up my face.
I’m so in love that in scares me a little. She may not know how she feels right now, but what if she decides that she doesn’t want to be with me and I walk away thinking I can get over it, yet what if I never do? What if I do find another girl yet all I can think is you’re not her…
The future seems to be a million miles away, I can see it. A tiny spec of dust.
What if I never get out of my dad’s house and am stuck here for the rest of my life? Will I feel this uncertainty forever?
Music helps me live and breath yet what if one day it simply isn’t enough?
I feel as though I am wasting my life away and with every moment a part of breaks down. The light is fading with only her making it glow, yet right now I can’t have her and I am so alone I fear it’ll kill me.

Current Mood: gloomy
Current Music: You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift

I can't keep doing this. Waiting for her to call or text me. I'll wait my life away sooner or later. I'm fed up of being paranoid and having this hurtful feeling. I NEED to let her go. It's just so hard. I have become so addicted to her. But it's been going on too long. I'll drive myself crazy if I don't tell her how I feel. I know I wont be alone forever..or maybe I will? Sometimes though waking up to her is worth all the heartache..yet it is moments like now that I realise it really isn't. She's been in my heart for way to long and if I don't give her up I fear my heart will completely break. She doesn't feel the same way and no matter how many times I drill that into my head I can't seem to make the words stick. A part of me truly believes that if I carry on waiting she will love me back..How foolish can a person be? After just coming off the phone with her I feel a little shakey...why?? Why do I feel like this? How is it possible for one person to make me feel all these emotions at once! However I'm going to do it. I'm going to pour my heart out in one long email..I can't be doing with face to face because I know I will never say all the things I need to.
I just pray that I have the courage to click the send button!
Well in 45 minutes the girl I'm in love with will be here..ah if only she knew all of this. Good job I can just about keep myself under control. Every now and then though I'll slip up and maybe hold her a little tighter or look at her for a minute longer than I should, just so I can keep her mine even if it's only for a moment...

I AM REALLY FUCKING HAPPY. I just feel like shouting that! You see happiness for a long period of time is not common with me because usually I am miserable bugger. Yet for the last two months i've been happy and smiling, could it be that I have an amazing girlfriend? Or just that life is flowing well for once? I mean if I really think about my life I may get depressed. I have no full time job, my girlfriend and one of my best friends are going home for the summer which is far away from me. Ok so the gf only lives about an hour and a half train ride away but still I'll miss her. But ya know? I'm doing great without her so far, that probably sounds kinda bad right? Don't me wrong I miss her but I'm not a basket case. I might be in a few weeks but right now I am actually pretty busy with friends and stuff so my mind is pretty busy. I think this whole being busy thing is good for me and my over active brain. So today I shall do my chores, dance a little in the kitchen and just be a happy 20yr old. It's summer anyway I need to enjoy it before september rolls along and I'm starting my 12 week course with a charity that helps you figure out what you want to do. I'm nervous as hell. But that's then. For now roll on sunbathing weather, friends, drinks and lots of reading!

Current Mood: cheerful

I can feel it pulling me back.
The cloudy world of sadness.
Every now and then I have this sudden urge to do something drastic, like cut my self or swallow a load of pills.
It's not that I want to die, the opposite in fact it's just I have this feeling and sometimes it takes a hold of me and all I can feel is this pain.
This feeling in my gut, as though you walk out a shop and realize you've lost your child.
It is as though I am worried about something, or perhaps I am carrying around this fear.
Yet the question is of what?
Fear of the world?
Of being successful?
Is that why my life is so shit?
Could it be that self consciously I have wasted away my time and effort on nothing?
I know running away is not the answer, yet why do I always want to jump a plane and disappear?
Why am I always looking for some way to be self destructive?
It's like there is this wild, angry person inside of me who wants to scream and break things.
I'm afraid if I cry that I wont be able to stop and whatever it is that has a hold on me will finally win and all these things I push away will over take me and I'll just give in and crawl into bed and never get up.
People don't understand how hard I try to live and get up everyday.

Hi all, just thought I'd tell you a little bit about myself. My name is Amy, I'm 19 I live in England and I'm gay. I've been writing ever since I was 10 and starting writing diaries. My mind is always thinking so I think writing helps relieve some of the thoughts and helps me sleep at night. Ok well here's my first small snippet hope you like it!

I know nothing and everything about you. Nothing because I met you for the first time less than 24 hours ago yet everything because I notice things. You have two little dimples on either side of your cheeks, you are kind and funny. I feel we have many things in common. I simply cannot get you out of my head, your face glows brightly in my  mind. It's hard not to smile everytime I picture your  face, your smile, the way we danced so well together. Your fingers entwined with mine, the softness of your skin and the way you looked the moment i first saw you. This time I will fight. I cannot just let you leave, never to see you again just like the others. I want..need for this to work. I will travel, write, phone anything to be in your heart. Is it my mind playing games as always or do I truly feel this strongly about you? I've been here only once before can I bare to go there once again?

Current Mood: confused

Hi everyone. I'm from the UK and missed hereos this week does anyone know where I can watch it online?
It'd be much appreciated!!

I've been through so many phrases over the years. You know how you do when you're younger? I've been a goth, an emo, Chav and now I don't know what I am. I guess you could say I am ME. Right now I'm confused about whether I'm straight or bi but I know I'll figure it out soon. I change so much. My clothes, hair and even the way I feel about things. They say change is good and I can definitley feel a change coming and I think it might be a very different change but hopefully it will put me on the right track to finding my place in the world. I'd love to chat to a bi/ bicurious/lesbain. That be great as I need advice right now. Anyway whatever I am I'm happy and that a good thing!